Think Valentine’s Day and your mind probably comes up with multiple visions of romance and intimacy. Slightly OTT in terms of cheesiness maybe, but cutesy visions nonetheless. The hard reality, however, is that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes, things go terribly wrong and Valentine’s Day becomes a terrible memory you wish to repress. A few brave women tell all, recounting embarrassing V-Day horror stories from firsthand experience.
She had planned a romantic Valentine’s weekend away with her boyfriend of three months. They were supposed to go out of town with some friends, have a fancy dinner and she also had a surprise planned – tickets to his favourite band’s concert. She packed her bags and waited for him to pick her up. Minutes turned into hours while messages and calls were ignored. After three hours, she gave up hope. It’s understandable why she never spoke to him again.
She was a freshman in college who had been sexually active, yes, but never had oral sex. Her boyfriend wanted a blow job and she decided that Valentine’s Day was the perfect occasion for it. An experienced senior told her that men loved waking up to a blow job and that’s the “gift” she was going to give him she decided. On the morning of Feb 14, she began to blow him as he stirred from his sleep. He soon woke up with a start, unexpected as the blow job was, and punched her in the face reflexively. She broke her nose and the couple spent their day in the hospital convincing people it wasn’t a case of domestic violence. That’s one ruined blow job and Valentine’s Day!
She was in the fifth grade and had a monster crush on Charlie. She made him a Valentine’s puzzle with the classic, “Do you like me?” and “Yes” / “No” checkboxes. While he tried to solve the mystery and figure out who wrote the card to him, she was a little too engrossed in watching his every move. She leaned back onto her chair which slipped, and as she fell, her finger got crushed between some lockers and the chair. She was rushed to the school’s infirmary and by the time she returned, Charlie had left. Aw, the poor broken-fingered girl!
Her husband has been cranky all day on Valentine’s, but soon made up by taking her to dinner at a fancy hibachi restaurant. The chef was putting on a show, tossing around knives and spatulas. One missed his hand, flew right at her, grazed her neck, spilled her martini and landed in a bowl of miso soup nearby. Her clothes got splashed, the romance all died and guess what? They didn’t even comp the martini. And that’s not the end; post dinner, she also got food poisoning. The knife may have missed her, but bad luck didn’t.
She was a video-arts student at liberal arts college that was quite the marijuana hub. She was nursing her broken heart which had been trampled upon by her ex who’d left college to deal with personal problems. On Valentine’s Day, she felt the irrational urge to reach out to him in some way. She made a reservation at the vegan restaurant he had worked at. The place was jam-packed when she arrived in all her finery, set up two video cameras and a mirror, and recorded the “date”. But the lighting was bad, nothing was audible and she had neither a boyfriend, nor much sanity left. She took it a little too far, yeah?
February 14th was the blessed day she found out that her husband was cheating on her. His mistress was none other than one of her closest friends, whose own husband was the one to inform her of the sordid affair. The irony was that she had just gifted her friend some flowers that day to cheer her up. The friend had been complaining that her husband hadn’t planned anything for Valentine’s Day and so she tried to cheer her up. Little did she know then that her own husband had been busy planning surprises for the woman.
She overdosed on some drugs two days before Valentine’s Day. She then had to spend V-Day convincing the doctors that she wasn’t suicidal. Her boyfriend brought her roses during visitor hours to cheer her up. Sadly, he wasn’t allowed to bring them to her room and she had to view them through the glass in the nursing station. This is what love and other drugs due to you.
She had been dating this guy for a while but they hadn’t gone further than second base. On Valentine’s Day, she found herself sitting in his car, when he gave her a gift wrapped beautifully in tissue paper. When she later opened it, she found edible underwear and a finger-fitting vibrator. Now here’s a guy who knows his way to a girl’s heart.
Her High School arranged for singing telegrams on Valentine’s Day. It was a paid service which sent hot senior boys to all classes with roses and songs for girls who had been anonymously sent telegrams from secret admirers. She had endured 5 years telegram-less-ly and decided to send one to herself, just to feel better. She paid the money and filled the form, but somehow, the senior boys didn’t come to her class at all. So she went up to a senior and demanded a refund; they can’t cheat a “secret” “admirer” like this, can they?
She was in high school when she decided to surprise her boyfriend with a home-baked cake. She piped the message “Happy VD” on it, not realising that being a boy, his mind would go to “Venereal Diseases” before going to “Valentine’s Day”. Rest assured, they never had sex.
Her boyfriend took her out on Valentine’s Day. They went to a local restaurant where he told her about the affair he was having with another woman. She couldn’t create a scene for a lot of people knew her. She cried though and he had all the right words ready. Easily manipulated by his slickness, she went back home with him, had some wild sex and even gave him his gift next morning. It took another few weeks for her to see past through his ridiculously typical moves!