That Unicorn Frappuccino Was a Really Poorly Managed Idea

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The Unicorn Frappuccino was a Starbucks original coffee drink that was announced last week. To us, it was simply a pretty mystical concoction that filled our social media pages with a few laughs. But taking a look at the inside of Starbucks, we find that things were far from fun last week…

Here we have a few baristas on Reddit that decided to speak out along their journey; letting us everyday citizens know the truth of the rave.

Day 1 of Unicorn Frappuccino and I Wanna Die

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Redditor zeph_yr wrote, “We’re almost out of the blue mucus. Our cold bar counter is bright purple. One of our blenders shattered while making a unicorn with extra unicorn ****. One of my partners is screaming. Out of blue unicorn mucus. Putting in extra blue unicorn dandruff instead. As one customer said, “as long as it looks the same!” The unicorn is dead. RIP unicorn. People are rioting outside.”

A Starbuck’s Baristas Average Day

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“So I’m on front register, and it’s ******* crazy busy,” Bear_love13 tells Reddit. “Unicorn Frappuccino’s left and right. I’m clearing out the line as quickly as possible, and trying to help make drinks. We’re kicking *** and taking names, and it’s just beautiful chaos.

Then this lady comes up to buy a gift card, and out of nowhere tells me that my store is getting shut down permanently. I ask where she heard that, and she says she heard it on the news that Starbucks is closing 600 locations, including 2 in my city and she wouldn’t be surprised if mine was one.

I ask her for a source, because I haven’t heard anything about this, and I’m almost certain it’s going to turn into some “you’re closing because of the refugee boycotting” nonsense. And she pulls up an article that does in fact confirm what she’s saying. But there’s a catch, it’s from 2008. I pointed it out to her, and she just shrugs her shoulders and leaves. Not even an apology for making me fear for my job for a second.”

Shoutout to Underpaid Baristas

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Poor barista stefon_zolesky let’s others know the pain and backbreaking work it takes to create the Unicorns. “It was AWFUL. We just didn’t have the labor to handle the people and how ******* long and involved the drink is. Within 30 minutes I was covered in pink dust and my eye was unintentionally twitching with every one that came my way. I estimate I made about 65-70 of them tonight (when on a normal close I’d make…eh….25-30 Frappuccino’s, and that’s if we’re busy).”

He Isn’t the Only One

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“Came in to the store being a complete wreck,” says bestdonnel, “Most of the trash cans overflowing, big trash in the back overflowing. Everything was in dire need of cleaning, especially the hot bar. The ASM more of less ducked out as soon as she saw I was there to take over the shift without saying a word to me. We were left with no backups and running out/low on mostly everything. Top it off with a game day rush with no mid and a man physically threatening one of my partners for not having any cake pops left and not giving him a free cookie. Probably pretty tame compared to some other partners worst days.”

Under-Abundance of Machines

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One underpublicized problem with Starbucks orders since the arrival of the Unicorn was the lack of blenders needed to fulfill orders. Slavetothesiren pointed this out, “Honestly, this **** has sucked but I think today has been one of the most fun shifts I’ve ever had working for Starbucks and that’s because I worked with a shift that just didn’t give a ****. If somebody complained about the wait, “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am, but you see…” gestures to the cold bar, “We have about forty of these to make and only two blenders, so it’ll be a second.” 

Finicky Customers

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Slavetothesiren strikes again when he is met with pushy customers who don’t know what they’re talking about. “One lady even shrieked at a barista not to put whip on her unicorn drink. My shift goes, “What’s your name?” Customer responds with, “Gertrude!” My shift looks at the cup and goes, “Great, this drink is for Becky but when we get to Gertrude, which is five drinks down the line, I’ll be sure to let them know you don’t want whip.”

Starbucks Needs to Fund Healthcare

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Sure, Starbucks is known for having drinks full of nothing but sugar. But the Unicorn Frappuccino is one of a kind with nearly 60g of sugar per serving. One barista calls them out with a, “So this drink is 2/3rd pixie stick sugar and 1/3rd foam?” Angrybabybear posts. “Starbucks is gonna start having to help out our national healthcare system if they keep making this crazy stuff.”

Some users were completely offended by this jest saying, “Do cigarette and alcohol producers help with healthcare? Everyone knows excess sugar is bad for you, Starbucks isn’t forcing anyone to consume it.”

Thankfully, the poster came back with an, “I’m joking! Also no one forces you to smoke and drink either. You guys get health insurance, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?”

Messy, Messy Frap

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Baristas were careful not to leave the drink out for long. In minutes in the hot sun or hours on the countertop, the beautiful drink started looking like a unicorn….something you can purchase from eBay.
Imagine you mix old yogurt, birthday cake, and Crayola together and let it sit for a while. It doesn’t take long to see the nasty side of the unicorn frap.

At Least it Looks Cool

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A barista who goes by isuwiq on Reddit lets the truth slip about the Unicorn. “Everyone has tried the Unicorn Frappucino and realized it is not very good at all, and they will their friends that it’s gross, and no one will order it anymore. Yaaayyyyy!”

But thestruglesubaru has gotten to the bottom of why people still ordered it. “At this point no one is ordering it for the taste, they’re ordering it to post it on snap and insta.”

Social media and online reputation win again!

You guys are making me feel better about unicorn

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As if to end the horrific week on a high note, user SJam197xxxx gave thanks and props to his fellow baristas, “Today was absolute *******, and while I don’t wish that on the rest of the partners out there, I am glad it wasn’t just us. Cheers to making it through and knowing it’s almost over.”

Yesterday, April 23rd marked the end of the Unicorn Frappuccino. Though many enjoyed the unique selfish, most baristas will be praying that it never returns as they welcome a new frap…the Voldemort.

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