15 Bizarre News Stories That Will Have You Saying, “That’s Enough Internet For Today”

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The internet can be a scary place. Just as diverse as the popular pages on the web are, there is just as much depravity, insanity, and ridiculousness. With a little bit of digging, a whole world of craziness opens up for your exploration. Planet Earth is inhabited by all sorts, making for some rather interesting but obscure news. Here are 15 bizarre news stories that will have you saying “that’s enough internet for today.”

Woman Claims to Be Raped by Pokemon GO Character

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In the Russian capital, Moscow, a woman reported to the police that she had been raped by a Pokemon GO character. Yes, you heard right. This disturbed gamer was entirely convinced that she had awoken to a Pokemon character having his way with her. She reports that it vanished as soon as she leaped out of bed, but the Pokemon GO app could still detect its presence lurching lustily upon her bed. The police couldn’t help her, nor could a psychic. Her friend, however, reports that there are far too many Pokemon lingering in her house, citing her dog’s barking whenever she plays the game as certain evidence. Perhaps she needs an exorcist or a psychiatrist.

46-Year-Old Man Hunts Down 13 Year-Old Call of Duty Gamer

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If you decide to gloat in a Call of Duty: Black Ops make sure that your competitor is not a rage monkey living down the road. The 46-year-old unemployed Mark Bradford simply got sick of being flamed by a boy who was but a stone’s throw away. He spontaneously headed to the 13-year-old’s home where he grabbed him by the throat, throttling him violently. If the assault hadn’t have been stopped, who knows what the furious bully may have done. The father of three was consequently found guilty of assault and was served a 16 week suspended sentence.

Free Bleeding Yoga for the Brave

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There we go, here is a video that will either get you laughing your head off or cause toe curling cringing in disgust. Steph Gongora is proud of her period, “I am a woman, therefore, I bleed,” she proclaims in the video. This yoga video is only for the brave with a strong stomach. Steph is utterly confused as to why women don’t speak about things such as their period, tampons and sanitary towels, openly and more often. She sees hiding a menstrual period as a complete waste of time and effort.

Go Lover Boy

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G.T. Enterprise Inc. was a Japanese game development company during the 80’s, creating games for Atari. Their strangest creation was a game called ‘Lover Boy’ which was a rather crude rendition of ‘Pac-Man.’ The 8-bit oddity saw you playing Lover Boy, chasing down women within a maze while avoiding the police. Your character is completely naked, other than his hat. Once you catch one of the women, who happens to be crying for help while being chased, the game switches to ‘rape mode.’ You then have a limited amount of time to pleasure your girl; otherwise, she escapes, and you lose. Featuring four sexual positions and one of the most disturbing angles ever used in a video game, Lover Boy was eventually banned.

Fecal Fumes Cause Six Fatal Suffocations

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At a South African National Defense Force base situated in Durban’s harbor, a fateful freak accident at its Bayhead area sewer pit took the lives of six people.  Three government contractors were seen as having inhaled methane gas, falling into and becoming trapped in the sewer hole. Three panic-stricken soldiers witnessed them suffocating in this veritable churning torrent of turd-tainted water. As quickly as they rushed to the rescue of the contractors, they too got hit by a whiff of methane and also fell into the swirling brown abyss. All six corpses were recovered, and twenty other people ended up hospitalized. People of Durban rejoice, there are no government workers in your water supply.

52-Year-Old Man Transgender Man Lives as a 6-Year-Old Girl

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The only fact omitted from the video above is that Stefonknee Wolscht is not pretending to be a six-year-old-girl, he believes that he is a 6-year-old girl trapped in the body of an old man. Here is his explanation Well, I have a mummy and a daddy. [An] adopted mummy and daddy who are totally comfortable with me being a little girl. And their children, and their grandchildren are totally supportive. In fact, her youngest granddaughter… When I was eight. A year ago, I was eight, and she was seven. And she said to me, ‘I want you to be the little sister, so I’ll be nine.’ I said, ‘Well, I don’t mind going to six.’ So I’ve been six ever since.”

Man Assaulted Over Dog Poop

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Aaron Steen aged 38, and Candace Deponte aged 32 became sick and tired of finding dog poop in their Maui yards. Both were convinced that their neighbor had been planting on their property to peeve them purposely. The two angry assailants went directly to her house, wielding golf clubs and cursing profanity. After striking the supposed poo-planter’s car windshield and then chasing her into her house, both angry neighbors were promptly arrested. They were both convicted of terroristic threatening, first-degree burglary and unauthorized entry into a vehicle.

Twelve Firemen Help Free Man’s Penis

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During a New Year’s party, a man managed to get his penis ring stuck so badly that the ring had to be cut off by the City Fire and Rescue Department. It took twelve firefighters from two different fire stations to fathom a way to free his willy. What is even more shocking is that 80% of all distress calls to the Malaysian fire and rescue department involving rings turn out to be rings stuck in male genitalia.

Man SMSs Wrong Person and Foils His Murder Plan

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Jeffery Lytle attempted to communicate with a hitman by the name of “Shayne” who was supposed to kill his wife and daughter. His plan was solid, after the murder he would split the insurance payout of $1.5 million with Shayne as payment for the deed. The only hiccup in his murder ploy was an accidental SMS. Instead of texting his hitman, he instead messaged the following to his ex-boss “Hey Shayne hows it going. You remember you said that you would help me kill my wife. I’m going to take you up on that offer,” Lytle tried lying through his teeth to no avail. Despite claiming that the message was nothing but a form of venting, with no true intention to kill, he was found guilty and placed into Snohomish County Jail on a $1,000,000 bond.

Bank Robbers Post Their Booty on Facebook

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Just days after carrying out a bank robbery in Lancaster during August 2010, John Mogan and Ashley Duboe just couldn’t keep their new found wealth a secret. The two began posting a string of incriminating pictures, showing themselves living it up with wads of cash in hand. Despite Duboe’s attempts to cover his tattoos with makeup, which would have instantly identified him, he still was stupid enough to post the pictures under his personal profile. Both were arrested and served a five-year prison term.

Pet Python Needed Surgery after Swallowing BBQ Tongs

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Winston, the Woma Python, had to be rushed to the University of Adelaide’s Companion Animal Health Centre for one of the weirdest surgeries ever. The poor serpent managed to swallow a huge pair of BBQ tongs. The tongs were clearly visible on x-ray; however, there was no question whether or not something had been swallowed. You could both feel the outline of the tongs from the outside of Winston, and see the aberration to his body clearly at a glance. There was a small chance that he could have regurgitated the tool, but it was highly likely that he would have killed himself in the process.

Horse Genitals Found Hidden in Juice Boxes

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The US Department of Homeland Security seized 42 pounds of horse meat, including 13 pounds of horse genitals from two Mongolian Women who arrived at Dulles International Airport in Virginia. The women cited the horse meat hidden in juice boxes as being kept for medicinal purposes. Three liters of yak milk was also taken from the two. Neither women were prosecuted on a criminal charge, however, horse meat is prohibited from entering the country due to the possibility of foot-and-mouth disease.

Man Spends Two Days Waiting for a Sign to Fall on His Head

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While it is uncertain whether this bizarre Texan was serious about his master plan to sue supermarket giant Walmart or if it was just a social media stunt for attention, he did stand under a damaged sign for two straight days. Manuel Garcia had spotted a Walmart sign which was hanging precariously. After taking to Facebook to share the details of his plan to sue Walmart, he proceeded to stand under the sign for two days, which happened to carry through Valentine’s Day. The sign didn’t fall, but at least Manuel found a good distraction for his lonesomeness.

Write Drunk, Edit Sober… Or Pay Someone Else to Do the Editing

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Steven King was so drunk during the 70s that he couldn’t remember writing the book ‘Cujo.’ It was no secret that Stephen King was deeply addicted to alcohol from 1975 onward, but what few people know is that he would drink till he blacked out, with no recollection of writing at all. Stephen King sadly stated “There’s one novel, Cujo, that I barely remember writing at all. I don’t say that with pride or shame, only with a vague sense of sorrow and loss. I like that book. I wish I could remember enjoying the good parts as I put them down on the page.”With this renowned author’s addiction in mind, it becomes quite clear that Cujo was a grand metaphor for his alcoholism.

Cucumber Found in Cinema after ‘Fifty Shades Darker’

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One usually expects to find popcorn, cups, sweets wrappers and maybe the wrapping of 3D glasses, but not a cucumber on a cinema floor! To make matters even more suspicious, the cucumber was found on the floor after a screening of ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ in Hayden Orpheum Cinema in Sydney. One onlooker was confused and most likely disgusted about the staff picking it up without gloves, questioning how they could touch it bare-handed.

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